Newsletter Introduction, 2006 Issue 4
A Rush into the Void
I know many of you have sons (whether you’re a mom or dad). Obviously, my thoughts revolve around the masculine side of things, but I will try to keep more centrally located; and these are…expectations. Rarely, are they ever the same.
My tendency tends to flow around “always doing your best… excellence”, not performance. Yet, how does one separate the two? How do you grade excellence, without having some barometer of performance or absolutes? I am not sure you can.. The story began two years ago.
My son and I are top roping at a local crag. He has been climbing since he was 4 or 5 and has always been very good at it (most kids are). However, on this day, we had a meltdown. Mental functions overrode Torrey’s physical prowess on the rock and won… in a negative sort of way. I can’t stand quitting on anything; adjustments are great, but not giving up. Especially on something that is really doable. I then, had my own melt down. Our relationship was injured. I vowed to never make the same mistake again….Realize that our fears will always find us out. Even Job found this out (an Old Testament biblical character, Job 3:25-2 6) and he had everything and yet his testing was eminent.
Restoration occurred the following year on Mt. Washington… together we hiked, climbed and rapped off Torrey’s first alpine climb. It was epic… God gave us both a gift… one we have treasured ever sense. The Lord gave me back a portion of my son’s heart and trust… I had purposed to restore this relationship. We talked about that fateful day a few years prior… He still remembers and in some ways, it still hurts.
So what happens? Yes, it happens again. This time, two weeks ago in Illinois; where my son and I are spending nine days, hiking, climbing and attending a rope rescue seminar. The climb was pretty straight forward and enjoyable. Everything was going well and the old “mental demon” raised its ugly head again and pounced; I am sure every one of you knows (full well) what I am talking about. Both of us fell prey… again.
Expectations vs. Expectations; whether it is father-son, mother-daughter or friends with friends. The things that are silent, many times carry the sound of thunder… if we listen for them. Do testings (not trials) look like punishment or condemnation? Yet what of the expectations we have of ourselves? How do they play out in the game of a one on one relationship?
You see, until I was able to come to grips with my son’s own expectations of himself, I was never able to come to his side and bring encouragement. Too, my own expectations of myself have much to do with the way I view my son… much less the world and people around me. Much grace is needed and help was on its way.
I hope you all have a “go to” friend; a friend that doesn’t judge, but will always speaks up in tough times. I have such a friend; and now… so now does my son; Enter Kevin (and an excellent rope rescue instructor). A friend of many years, listened to my plight and really said nothing until he understood the platform that held the storyline. He simply said, “Would you like me to talk with him”? The term “three cords are not easily broken” comes to mind. A godly man, Kevin was able to see the situation much different (than how either Torrey or I saw it) and made a few executive decisions on how to approach the situation. It wasn’t just a issue with my son (that needed fixing)… it was a relationship that needed adjustment; and the solution was of a bilateral accord and not just unilateral.
Expectations… there is that word again (active in use). This time, it is mixed with trust. Trust, that good friend and advisor would be able to step in a do something that I as a father, was unable to do; speak into my son’s life (and mine) and accomplish something fruitful. Something advantageous to our relationship and lives as a whole; something that we carry with us for a good long time.
The rest, they say, is history. The remaining days were nothing less than awesome (in the true sense). I watched my son mature as a young man and I advanced as a father; my friendship with Kevin continues to flourish. All because we willingly allowed our lives to be stretched by the One who loves us.
We can so easily rush our lives into void; being destitute, barren, abandoned and empty. These terms are exactly the way I felt early on and I know my son acknowledges the same. My encouragement to you is to know that situations devoid of hope are just a lie and one you don’t need to bow to. We don’t have arms like God, and shouldn’t pretend to. No plan of His can be thwarted. As Job so profoundly put it…”My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you”.
